Six Ways to Love Yourself Through Fibromyalgia

Let me ask you this…

If you brought a puppy home from the shelter that has been traumatized and brutalized by his previous owner – so much so he cowers and whimpers at the slightest sound or movement – would you berate, ignore, or neglect him? No, of course you wouldn’t! I am guessing you would give him space, talk sweetly, be patient, and protect him. You would do everything you could to make sure that he felt safe and sound. You’d be eager to help ensure his little personality and spirit could shine again. And you would commit to doing this for as long as it took, his entire lifetime if need be.

If you are suffering with Fibromyalgia, you are traumatized, just like that little puppy. For one reason or another, your system has become overwhelmed. And now you are trapped in a “fight, flight or freeze” mode. You cannot relax. Your body is fearful and overreacts to everything – scents, sounds, chemicals, touch, emotions and thoughts. You are miserable as your body hardens against the world, creating intense pain and a feeling of suffocation. And just like that abused puppy, you desperately need your love and support.

As you know, feeding your puppy a balanced diet and walking him daily won’t be enough to heal him from his trauma. He’ll need as much love and devotion as you can muster for that to happen. The same is true with Fibromyalgia. But you already know this because you are doing everything you can with respect to diet and exercise. And still, you don’t seem to be able to bounce back. I know you are frustrated. But, the good news is there is more that you can do that will help you heal and enrich your life to no end. Here’s a good place to start:

FORGIVE YOURSELF
You did not do this to yourself! And you are not responsible for what it has done to you, your family, and your life. This is not in your head. By forgiving yourself, you can lift a load of weight from your heart and free up that energy to focus on healing. How do you forgive yourself? You stop imagining all the reasons you deserve to suffer. I know you do that! And, you tell yourself, over and over and over again: “I am amazing”. Eventually, you will understand that this is the Truth. That belief in yourself will change everything.

NURTURE YOURSELF
You are entitled to do the things that you enjoy. Being sick does not mean that you are not worthy of engaging in the things that feed your soul; that make your eyes burn bright and bring a grin to your lips. In fact, you need to find joy where you can, if you ever want to recover. If you have a moment when you feel well, even if it is for five minutes a day, spend that time doing what you love. For me, that is writing or relaxing with some hot milk and cookies (yes, dairy and gluten free, of course). You know what makes you happy; do it.

PROTECT YOURSELF
We are literally connected to everyone and everything on this planet, and beyond, through energy. A person with Fibromyalgia knows this better than anyone; we’re like sponges, soaking in the stress, emotions and pain of others. You have to learn to surround yourself in a love bubble. How? Imagine a ball of white light deep inside your tummy, and then imagine it expanding until it fills your entire body and the space around you. Picture yourself as a little yolk (with a cute smiley face) inside a big bright glistening egg. State an intention like, “I accept love, light, beauty, peace, happiness into my love bubble. I send everything else back to its source, with love.” Do this constantly until your love bubble is a permanent fixture in your life. And sparkle on!

TRUST YOURSELF
Stop telling yourself what you should do and do what feels right. It is an immensely liberating and kind act of self-love to take a ‘should vacation’. Just try it. Anytime you think you should do something, do not do it. Start small, like with the supper dishes one night. See what happens. I bet the sky stays intact. Now, this only works if you also refrain from the guilt you impose on yourself for having not done something. Keep reminding yourself it is okay to change your priorities and to slough off the excessive self-imposed ‘shoulds’ – think of the peace of mind and time you will gain. I have a little ditty I sing to myself to help me decipher what aspects of my life I could without. And it goes like this: “If it cuts you down to size. If it eats you up inside. Let it go, go, go. Let it go!” Make up your own tune and use it if you wish. It works wonders.

EMBRACE YOURSELF
There is a gift in your sensitivity, your soft heart, and gentle spirit. We need you in this world, to balance it out. Right now, while you are suffering, it is hard to imagine what you can offer to anyone. But, trust me, your special brand of insight and wisdom serves a greater purpose. The people around you and the whole world are lifted because of the love inside you. Let your body know that it is okay to soften again; you are letting go of the ‘couldabeens’ and ‘shouldabeens’. You are stepping away from whomever and whatever does not serve you, and following your heart into a new life. Tell yourself, I am healed. Tell yourself, I am strong. Tell yourself, I am well with the world. And you are. The attributes you possess did not make you sick. Embrace your sweetness and do not relinquish it. It will make you whole gain. You don’t need to be like everyone else. Be you. Be love. You’ll see. Things are changing.

PACE YOURSELF
What is your damn rush? I know! I know! Whenever we get an ounce of energy we are in a spin, trying to make up for the lost time of our down days. But that approach gets us back where we started, too miserable to do anything, am I right? The only way I know to slow down is to try and notice how my body is reacting in the moment. If I am holding my breath, clenching my butt, or gritting my teeth, I know I am headed for trouble. Don’t tell me you don’t do this too! Start to enjoy those times when you feel well, fill them with whatever makes your heart sing. Stop using that precious time trying to prove your worth or tame your guilt. Your loved ones just want you to be happy. They don’t need you tending to them.

Just remember…

Whenever you get that urge to blame or doubt yourself, think of those big puppy dog eyes looking up at you and give yourself a big hug and a good scratch behind the ear. You are far more precious than you know. You can do this.

Love always,

Asetha

Comments

  1. says

    Tremendous things here. I’m very happy to peer your post.
    Thank you a lot and I’m having a look forward to touch you.
    Will you please drop me a mail?

  2. Nicki says

    Just wanted to give thanks for this post. I really needed these words today following a nasty flare. I am lucky enough to have a great support network around me, but the guilt eats me up. I must learn to step away from that! Once again, thank you. A really heartwarming post. XxXx

  3. says

    Thank you Sloan! What wonderful words to hear today. I think it would be great if you could share it with others on your Twitter account and it can offer them some comfort. I hope it reaches some hearts and helps in some way.

  4. says

    Asetha,

    Excellent post! Although I do not write specifically about fibromyalgia, I have the experience to know that all you’ve said here is completely accurate. Your compassion and wisdom shines through in a way that is, undoubtedly, helping many others. I will be sharing this post on Twitter. Many blessings to you and all that you do! Namaste, Sloan

  5. says

    Reblogged this on Fibronaut At Home and commented:
    I’m finally out of the slump! There’s snow and it’s cold, but I’m not doing too bad. Weird the way that works. While the weather is coming in or going out, I’m miserable. Once it’s here, I’m fine. I was feeling like I needed a nap, but then I read this really awesome post and now, I’m ready to get up and get some things done. You should read it too, if you haven’t already, because it is amazing.

  6. says

    Wow, thank you so much for writing this entry! I cannot begin to explain how wonderful your words have made me feel, I still have a big grin on my face from picturing my ‘love bubble!’ ^__^
    I’ve been mentally beating myself up about getting Fibro, I didn’t realise just hoe much until recently, and your entry certainly hit the nail on the head! 😀

    So thank you ‘Lucy by the Sea!’

      • says

        Thank you both 🙂 Lizzy, I am so happy that this helped to put a smile on your face today! I hate to think of you beating yourself up 🙁 That is the last thing we need! Sending you big fat love bubbles 😀 Thanks for sharing this lucy by the sea. It sounds like you really helped someone today!! XOXO

    • says

      I feel the same way about feeling I have learned all I can. I agree – let’s move on from this and find something less painful to grow from. Sending you sunshine and butterflies today 🙂 I love your “name” – ‘lucybythesea’.. I live by the sea in Newfoundland, Canada!

    • says

      I guess after fifteen years I have developed a healthy respect for and understanding of Fibromyalgia. I see it as one of the greatest gifts I have ever received. It shocks me even as I write that. But, looking back, from the soaring heights of my happy heart, I can see that the suffering helped me discover a deeper, more interesting perspective on life. Still, it would have been nice to stumble upon this feeling without being hit over the head, repeatedly! 😀

      • says

        Yep – I wish we could have learnt compassion and humility the easy way sometimes. And i often think, OK angels/god – I think Ive learnt all I can from this illlness now – you can cure me now!! xx

    • says

      ha! ha! I can hear your voice, and you speak fast!! I am sure most of us with Fibromyalgia, and most people in general can relate. Lately though, for some reason, I don’t rush nearly as much as I used to. Funny thing about it is, I get more done! 🙂 And I feel better too! Thanks for saying hi!

    • says

      I think I love you already. Ha! ha! I have a date day with my husband today (going to see The Croods) but tonight I am going to settle in with your blog 🙂 Lately, I have been learning more about using that sensitivity we have to the emotions of others to help them heal. Hoping to turn what has always made me sick into something that makes me whole 😀 No pressure….ha! ha!

      • says

        We have much to learn from each other! I am so happy that you want to delve into my blog. Warning, I like to curse and have a odd sense of humor. Sensitivity can be a blessing or a curse, depending on the circumstances. Enjoy your movie day!!!

      • says

        You are welcome. It’s important info for people to read and grasp on too. It may not make the pain just disappear, but instead helps to build hope in ourselves. Only with hope, can we become healthier.

  7. says

    Perfect advice. I was able to relate with every point you made in my own journey. It wasn’t until I accepted these to be true, did I finally feel like the Fibro was part of me, and not all of me.

    • says

      I find that too. I no longer feel Fibro is all of me. It feels really good doesn’t it! It took me years and years to get to this point but now that I am here, it feels wonderful. I hope others can feel this way faster than I did.

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